Thanks for nothing Match.com

Dear Match.com,

Seeing that I'm nearing the end of my three month promotional period I just wanted to write in and thank you so much for all you have given me over the past three months. First there was Stew, a nice, kind of on the chubby side, sales guy. Stew was the portrait of a nice guy, polite, clean cut, made some good conversation (afterall he was in sales). So after a first date over some wine and a phone conversation we went bowling. Stew bowled a 40. Now, I hate to be this way but...a 40? I mean my nieces bowl better then that and they are 4. There is no way I could date someone for the long haul that bowls a 40, that is just embarrassing.

Little did I know that Stew was probably the best of the bunch, but he was my first date you found for me and I was sure that the real spark you promise in your sweet as honey, kissing in the rain, commercials was out there for me too, so I persisted.

For the sake of time I will give you the quick rundown. There was the construction worker who admitted to a pretty big drug problem in his recent past (out!), the boring pastry chef who now that I think of it seemed pretty gay (no thanks dough boy), the want to be motorcycle guy who I found out on the date didn't even own a motorcycle even though he bragged about the feel of the open road in his emails (see ya!), the weekend paint baller who lived with two lesbians and talked about them constantly (ummm no.)

At a certain point they just start to blur together. Eventually I just started skipping dates and making up excuses. I'd rather stay home and clip my toenails then spend my time with your rag tag bunch Match.com.

The final straw with you had to be my most recent date. This guy literally took away my want to be in a relationship. Nice guy, single dad a total bore. You work in telecom which by definition is not very interesting - why in the world do you think I want to listen to you talk about it for 45 minutes? I love wine flights, mostly when they are $15 for four half glasses, a hell of a deal at one of my favorite spots. In this case, the worst idea ever because the process is not speedy which just prolonged the imprisonment. I kept looking longingly at the waiter, "Like hurry it up with the next bottle, for the love of God!!" What a travesty.

The saddest thing, is the guy somehow thought this date went well because now, he is semi-stalking me. I mean if I haven't emailed you or returned your numerous calls you would think the guy would get the hint - obviously not. Are you going to pay to change my number Match.com? Hmmmm?

So to wrap this up, if you could please be so kind to possibly post the following rules on your site in big bold print that would really help out us well adjusted, relatively attractive, single girls....

1. Don't talk about your past relationships on a date. 9 out of the 10 guys I went out with did this. I'm not Dear Abby - save your problems for your mommy.

2. Don't lie in your profile about things you don't actually do / have / want. The truth comes out pretty quick - I'm talking to you want to be motorcycle guy

3. Don't go in for the kiss when the date has been a total bust, if you can't tell that I don't want to kiss you, you aren't reading the signs.

4. After our date if I ignore your numerous follow up emails, don't email again and even worse don't call numerous times and leave messages which are kind of mean thinking I'm going to call you back. I won't.....ever.

I leave you with a wish for happy dating to your numerous members out there and remember, for those you cast off they are someone's special someone and yours is out there too - crossing my fingers and no I will not be renewing my subscription.

Sincerely,
What a waste of $40

The freaks come out at night

Actually, to be honest, in San Francisco the Freaks are out all the time. It is kind of funny how accustomed I've grown to them though. I'm proud to say I've come a long way in three months. I'm close to perfecting the "I'm not ignoring you but not paying any attention to you either". This is a very important skill to learn upon moving to a City known for its freaky behavior, because if you look like you are straight up ignoring them then you are in trouble. They will pick you out of the pack like a three legged deer. The trick is to pick something to look at and intently look at it, say...the ingredients on the back of the bag of top ramen you are holding.

Let me give you an example. Today was the day of the big move into my permanent home here in San Francisco. Yes, as you all know I signed a year lease, and I couldn't be happier about my decision to stay - hooray! My new place is a fabulous studio in the heart of Pacific Heights and the building comes complete with and elevator and roof top view of the Golden Gate Bridge, this little blogger is moving up in the world. Don't get me wrong this place is not a palace, far from it. I like to say I moved from the shoebox I was subletting into a slightly larger shoebox of my very own.

I digress, seeing that I'm slightly neurotic (who me?) I was up at 7 am this morning future worrying about the move (i.e. "Where will they put the storage pod", "The movers totally won't show up!", downward spiral) The worrying of course all turned out to be in vain. The move couldn't have gone smoother. Storage pod delivered on time and right in front of the building, the movers were ass kickers and my mom and dad came to help out and of course my sister kept in touch to talk me off of my made up cliff.

Anyway, so I'm up at 7 am with not a lot to do except future worry, so I go to Tully's to grab a coffee. Upon walking in, I encounter a short line and a man wearing a surgical mask (no he is not a SARS patient) who is pacing around talking to himself and complaining about the "bad service". Then an unsuspecting six year old girl who is standing in front of him in line with her parent catches his attention. He, expecting a helpless victim, immediately starts lecturing her about his mask. The girl, obviously a pro, picks up her chocolate milk and starts intently staring at the label. And that my friends, is the sign of a true local. Of which I can only aspire to be.

I'm so excited to have a permanent SF home and I have to admit this City fits me like a glove, mask wearing freaks and all! Can't wait to keep discovering all there is to find.

A beautiful weekend in SF...finally

Seeing I was in DC last weekend and down on the Peninsula for Easter the one prior this has been my first weekend in the City in a while. And boy - you couldn't have asked for a nicer one. It is also my last weekend in the sublet! I move into my new permanent home next weekend and I can't wait to be surrounded by my own stuff and have cable again!

Friday night I met up with some friends in the Mission at a place called Zeitgeist. This is the place to go on a sunny day (like today). A huge outdoor beer garden with potent bloody marys. What more could a City gal ask for? After a few beers we headed to Lucky 13 - known for the pole on the bar used by drunken amateurs for dancing. I did not partake in that if you were curious but we did hang in the outdoor space which was very quaint.

After a little alcohol lubricration and finding ourselves so near the Castro we popped into a Gay dance club called Trigger. I have to say, it is kind of unfair. The Gays have it good, hot guys everywhere you look, go-go boys dancing on the bars - one can only wish that us straight girls had it so easy. Suffice it to say you can't help but dance your ass off. We finished the night with a slice and headed home in taxi. One major perk of City living is the taxi ride home on a drunken night - only 10 bucks and 10 minutes and you're home. Thank god.

Saturday I didn't leave my house til 3 pm :) Once I finally got going I met a friend for a movie downtown. Greenberg with Ben Stiller. Now I knew going in this wasn't a comedy but ugh it was difficult to sit through. I think I'm just tired of movies depicting 40 year old losers who somehow bag the hot 25 year old girl. It just doesn't seem like reality to me but then again maybe I'm just jaded. Anyway, after that I called it a night and headed home.

Today, my friend and I headed to the Cherry Blossom Festival which is held in Japantown - only a hop, skip, and a stop at Crossroads away. Interesting fact, San Francisco's Japantown is one of only three left in the Country. It was hot in San Francisco and that doesn't happen often. So of course we weren't dressed for it. We checked out the parade, ate some sushi, drank some Sapporo and checked out the vendors. After that we treated ourselves to a pedi at the cutest little salon right down the street from home.

Tonight I plan on cuddling up with my latest Netflix (did I mention how much I can't wait to get cable? Just saying.) All in all, a terrific weekend!